value our relationships in selling

My affirmation of intention this week is one that we ought never need reminding of, and yet as it came up in my diary it immediately put a smile on my face.  The affirmation is “I value my relationships.”

It doesn’t really matter whether you want to focus this affirmation of intention on work relationships, family or friends, because a truth that we all know is that our very humanity is about the depth of relationships we have.  That’s not to say the number of relationships – but the depth of relationships.

Let’s focus for the moment however on work, and let me ask you this question….

How much and in what way do you value your work relationships?

For those of us in sales, this is an extremely important question to consider.

I believe the people we meet and form relationships with, pick up on our truth.  I believe they get a sense of who we are and a sense of our intention.  They pick this up through a range of ways; our body language, tone of voice, words we choose, questions we ask and actions we take.

If you’ve seen me present at a conference or workshop you’ll know part of my favourite quote from Aristotle (which I often quote in my writing here as well because of its relevance to so much of our lives).  And part of the quote is that “our actions and our behaviours are our morals shown in conduct.”  In other words, people pick up on our morals, our beliefs, our truth.

Yep – fairly heavy as a topic, but important because we can’t escape it.

For that reason, coming back to my original statement that the value we place on our relationships ought not be something we need to be reminded of, paradoxically maybe it is good to remind ourselves how important our relationships are.

Here’s my challenge for you (as it is for me as I consider this affirmation of intention).  Answer these questions…..

1. Why do you value your relationships?

2. How do you value your relationships?

3. What might you do with a damaged relationship today to start to mend whatever caused it to fracture?

4. What might you do today to strengthen a relationship even more than you already have?

I know whenever I revisit these questions, magic tends to happen in ways that are often unexpected, but very welcomed.

Let me know how you go.

In a recent seminar that I conducted there was one member of the audience who was constantly interupting me and anyone else who was contributing. 

There was no ill intention in her action, it was just the way she was….she was one of those people who just had to have something to say and usually it was valid, positive and added to the discussion. 

An annoying habit

Now I’m used to the occasional strange behaviour in audience situations – it just comes with the turf in my line of business, however I could see that for the other audience members, this constant interupting was becoming annoying.

It was fortunate that we were about to discuss ‘buyer behaviour’ and effective communication strategies, as it allowed me to point out that some people seemed to have formed the habit of finishing other people’s statements for them.

This person who had been constantly interrupting, interrupted again and said “I do that all the time” and it cracked the rest of the audience up with laughter.

But it is interesting how we tend to communicate the way we like to communicate and sometimes forgetting that it may not be the way that others like to communicate.

Are you the kind of person that finishes other people’s sentences while they are mid stream in conversation because you have figured out what they want to say and just want to hurry them up?

Are you the kind of person who gets impatient with people who constantly talk ‘big picture’ or ‘blue sky’ where what you’d rather hear and talk about is facts and detail?

Listen for the insignificant

Everyone knows the importance of listening but sometimes we listen, but I know for myself it is a constant and conscious effort to keep focused what people are really saying.

The biggest shift for me in becoming a much better listener was to make a decision to become a better listener.

Now I know that sounds obvious, but the reality is, before you can become a better listener, you have to genuinely want it to be so.  Make the decision, and then follow it up with consciously listening to what people are saying…..and let them say it in their way (trying not to unintentionally force them to say it in a way that you would prefer them to say it).

Another tip is to listen for the insignificant.  What I mean by that is to really tune into the words that people use, and to listen even more intently (and make notes if possible) when they seem to go off on tangents – quite often, it is what people say that you think isn’t important to you that is very important to them.

And in sales, what’s important to our clients needs to be very important to us.

So this week, practice being a better listener – encourage people to have their say…..that’s what I will be working on.

It’s amazing what you can learn when you really listen, and it’s amazing the deeper levels of trust that can be developed when you’re listening with the right intention.

Let me know how you go.

Over the years I have always struggled with this concept that people seem to be so ready to accept – and that is that we all need to think outside the square.

Now in principle I understand what this means, however, when I think about this practically, I can’t see how it is ever possible.

I was conducting one of my sales programs the other day and one of the audience members said very cleverly “We don’t know what we don’t know!”

My question to you is how can we possible think outside of that which we know.

I am a fan of the work of Joel Barker who talks a lot about our mental boundaries of beliefs and thoughts…..our mental paradigms.  My take on his research is that it is not possible for us to think outside of our own mental boundaries (what we know, believe and understand).  And that instead of us being able to break through these boundaries of belief and thought, what we actually do is to expand them.

How do we do that?

Well that’s the focus of this week’s affirmation.  By being open to new ideas….especially those that may be an opposing view to your own, is one way to expand you boundaries of belief and understanding – your mental paradigm, or the ‘square within which you think’.

That is not to say that we need to accept every opposing view.  What I am suggesting is that when we hear (or experience in any way for that matter) something that we don’t agree with, it is a trigger for us to know that we are right at the edge of our mental paradigm.

This trigger ought to remind us to be open, explore the possibility, treat the opposing view as an hypothesis.  This exercise is one that will flex your boundaries of belief or thought.

In sales, our clients hear what they want to hear (as we all do).  It is built within each of us to protect and defend our current beliefs and the choices we have made, as well as the situation we are in.

For a client to agree to purchase something from us, they quite often will need to expand their paradigm, and they won’t do that by us just telling them they need to buy from us.

Once again, it is in the questions that we ask that help the clients expand their boundaries of belief and understanding.  It is in the questions that we ask that reveal the value that we can provide them.  It is in the questions that we ask that ignite the principle of discovery learning…..which is that people are more likely to take action on that which they discover for themselves, than if we just tell them.

I do value the opinions of others.  I respect their right to have opposing views to me. 
And when I see that I can provide them with more value than they are currently experiencing, but that their current boundaries of belief and thought and understanding is blocking them from seeing the possibility, I believe it is my moral obligation to communicate to them in ways that they shift and expand their mental boundaries into seeing the possibility and create an environment where they are comfortable and confident to make a wise buying decision.

So while I am practicing the art of expanding my own mental paradigms, I am also concentrating on helping others expand theirs.

What a privilege.

Let me know your thoughts.

What does it take to have true enthusiasm for something?  What happens when we are truly enthusiastic?  To what extent do you have enthusiasm for what you’re doing on a daily basis?  These are the questions I am pondering on this week.

One of my favourite quotes comes from Emmerson who said something like

“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Beyond Self Belief

I remember Ron Willingham, one of my long time mentors in life telling me about a conversation he once had with the late Dr. Maxwell Maltz – the author of Psychocybernetics.  Ron asked him what does it take to have true enthusiasm.  Maltz told him that you need to have two things.  The first was self belief.  A strong belief in who you are and what you stand for.  The second was a belief in the value you create for others when you do what you do.

As I write about my affirmation of intention for this week, I reflected on the last few days and realised that this affirmation is very timely for me.  It is so easy to become a little apathetic about all of the good in our personal situations.

Sure there are always concerns and things that just aren’t exactly as we would like them to be, but (and I’m certainly only speaking for myself here), I have so much to be enthusiastic about in life, it was a bit of a timely wake up call and reminder to me to remember to be enthusiastic.

Focus on the value we create for others

But it was thinking about what Max Maltz told Ron Willingham that got me charged up with enthusiasm this week……focusing on the value I create for others.

Another of my mentors is Dr. Joanna Martin and one of her key reminders for me is to have an expanded awareness and keep focused on our higher purpose.

I know that for some people reading this that having a higher purpose or a bigger intention isn’t necessarily something that ‘rocks their boat’.  What I do know though, is for those of us in sales especially, when our clients see our enthusiasm for wanting to create value for them (and not just being enthusiastic about winning the sale), this brings stronger levels of emotional and intellectual connection and builds trust.

I have so much to be enthusiastic about today, and as I reflect on my life, if I try hard enough, I could always find something to be enthusiastic about.

If you think this is all a bit ‘soft’ then I make no apologies, and simply challenge you to think about the truth behind the idea that people want to buy from people who are genuinely enthusiastic about making their clients lives and situations better.

I’m happy to take your feedback.

Our SalesCoachCentral members’ “My Sales Story” competition is generating some great stories with lessons for us all to learn from to help us win more new, repeat and referral sales.

Congratulations to our winners for this month who were Ross Clennett and Peter Donald.

Here’s the My Sales Story from Ross:

When I was a rookie temp accounting recruiter I took my Director on a prospect visit. It was to a well known freight company, near the Sydney airport, who I had found out were using a lot of accounting clerical temps.

The visit was with the GM of Finance. I prepared my sales structure and answers to predictable objections, hoping to impress my director. However once we were in his office the prospect proceeded to talk (complain, actually) non-stop for an hour about the office politics and his boss.

I barely got a chance to talk and as we had another meeting scheduled we had to leave promptly after an hour.

As we drove off I was rather flat about the meeting expecting my Director be criticise me for allowing the client to run the agenda. Suprisingly he thought the visit went very well. ‘Why?’ I asked. My Director replied “clearly he isn’t being heard inside his own company and needed an outlet to express all his frustration and resentment. We were that outlet today. I bet he feels we understand him and what he has to deal with each day.”

I have to say I was very dubious – I mean we hadn’t even talked about temps! However the next day I received a call from one of the GM’s direct reports saying she had been told to call me about two temp jobs she needed filling! I filled both those jobs and that was the start of a $100k plus net revenue per annum client.

That experience was a big lesson in understanding that until the prospect feels heard and understood all I was doing was ‘pitching to deaf ears’.

My Comment: The old adage of ‘no-one cares how much you know until they know how much you care’ is probably a bit overdone these days, but the reality is too many salespeople still go in with a ‘pitch’ to a potential client and ‘capability sell’, rather than focusing first on what the client might like to achieve from the meeting, and/or what the client might like to talk about.

At the same time, there is an equally large number of salespeople who do not really focus on the client and choose to ‘fluff’ around with small talk, when what the client actually wants to do is find out more about the products and services that the salesperson can provide.

If we’re truly client focused, we can work out fairly quickly how much talking and listening we need to do to create an environment where the client is comfortable and confident to make a wise buying decision.

Here’s the My Sales Story from Peter:

I was referred to a young couple by a principal of the firm. They were in a difficult financial position. Following the loss of his Dad his mother found it diffucult to meet the home loan left behind ( no insurance ). She offered her son a 25% share in her home if he would take over the debt, which he did. He then married and together they bought an investment unit in 3 names using the equity in Mums house.

They also had some personal debt for cars etc. All this caused stress on the relationships to meet payments and rent. I was able to reorganise their strucure after 3 home visits one of which I arranged they get Mum to attend on a weekend.

The end result was they reduced the no taxable debt quickly and allowed cash flow to relieve the stress. After another year of regular follow up they purchased a home using her mothers assistance. Late last year they had their first child. I also referred them to our Insuracne advisor who arrange appropriate covers for both of them to protect their child.

So referral, follow up and further follow up resulted in a succes story for all. We also now do their tax returns.

My Comment:  I love the way Peter points out that the result was a ’success story for all’.  Selling should never just be about the success of the sale.  The most successful salespeople I encounter are those who’s intention is to create value for their clients.  Their focus is to look for opportunities where their products and services can help people solve problems, meet needs and satisfy wants.

When clients pick up on our intention as being that of genuinely wanting to create value for them, trust is built and deeper emotional and intellectual connections are made.

More stories from members of SalesCoachCentral next month.